How Krsna loves me is shown by His causeless mercy in the form of many
tests for me to pass through.
So so many tests, but each one brings me closer and closer to being a
truly selfless servant, able to relish the ambrosial nectar of the
fathomless gratitude which inundates my heart for the inconceivably
wonderful ways Krsna sends His love and protection to me.
I am an utter fool. Always falling down, getting lost, messing up...
but yet with each mistake, due to the grace of those wonderful
devotees who have shared the gifts of their hearts with me, I am drawn
to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on going, always seeking
to go deeper into my heart and open wide it's doors to giving and
receiving the love which resides there, eternally exchanging between
my Lord, myself, and His loving servants.
I only wish to be an instrument of His will, surrendering my own for
His pleasure. What is the value of selfish gain? It simply sears the
heart and makes it hard and cold, unable to feel from so many scars.
The mind becomes a large cancerous tumor, only seeking it's own
unlimited gain at the expense of all else.
But even though these enemies may appear unconquerable, my Lord with
the slightest gesture of His eyebrows provides complete protection and
immunity to their onslaughts.
I have experienced this recently, with the glorious and
heart-wrenching passing of His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja, my
greatest hero.
I can't express in words what I feel, but tears flow down my cheeks as
I remember his love and caring guidance. His examplary life serves as
a barometer for my own, how can I follow his example, how can I
dedicate my life, how can I go deeper, further, wider, more
intensely..
Unlimited sacrifice, dying to live. Whatever it takes, at all costs,
be a selfless servant. Offer love, become love in action, let it flow
through you with every thought word and deed and you will experience
it more and more as you enable yourself to be a channel for the
unlimited Divine love of the Lord for each and every living being.
I constantly regret my failure to act on this principle at different
times in my life. Each moment serves as a moment of death, for with
each moment comes the opportunity to relinquish the old and accept the
new.
To share with others this knowledge, these exchanges, this love is the
highest good and the most valuable contribution in this world.
Simply surrender, despite all seeming difficulties, blocks,
challenges, disappointments, fears, setbacks, anarthas, bad habits,
old ruts, overwhelmed senses and mind, tired body and soul.
Simply cry out for Divine love to carry you wherever you need to be
taken in order to come to the next level. Help is always available
from within our own hearts, we simply have to quiet our own inner
voices to hear His gentle song.
And with that song as our guide, we make our movements in this world
as an elegant articulate dance upon the venomous heads of illusion,
madness, lust, envy, greed, pride, and even Kali himself.
"Just keep yourself in Krsna Consciousness. Kali will not be able to
touch you." - Srila Prabhupada
Grab hold and hang on for dear life. Grab your beads, wrap your mind
around the mantra, let it wear away all the dust, dirt and debris
clogging your consciousness.
Open the Bhagavatam, let it's light dispell all shadows of illusion
and moroseness from your eyes and heart. Grab the feet of the
devotees, they will lead you on the safe and easy path following the
decorated footprints of Sri Hari to His eternal abode.
All these are the means of salvation for one burning in the fire of
worldliness and illusion.
Just find someone to share your heart and mind with. Confide in them,
and ask their blessings and guidance, and take the next step from
there. Krsna will act through them to bring you safely home.
You never have to be confused or lost. Simply ask for answers and they
will be given to you. We are not able to do it on our own.
You cannot give what you don't have, you cannot help others if you
cannot help yourself.
Even the best vehicle needs to be refueled regularly, don't deplete
your reserves thinking you can do more on your own. Be humble, accept
the assistance of those God has sent to help you. In whatever form
they appear, sometimes as friends, sometimes as seeming enemies, take
every opportunity to learn and grow to further your spiritual quest
ever onwards.
Today I received a wonderful blessing in the form of His Holiness
Indradyumna Swami's diary, expressing his constant writing, and how
Krsna is directing him to continue despite seeming difficulties.
Taking his inspiration, I am writing these thoughts with the express
desire to continue writing, for my own purification, as well as the
opportunity to share with others my innermost heart, with the aim of
encouraging them to reveal their own in their own unique way.
Each and every living being has it's unique flavor of personal service
which they render to Krsna, and Krsna desires to relish that flavor at
all times. Due to our diseased condition that service has been
interrupted and it is the highest welfare work to revive that service
in our own lives as well as in the lives of others. It is the life of
all transcendental knowledge, it increases the ocean of transcendental
bliss and it enables us to fully taste the nectar for which we are
always anxious. This is the Sankirtana movment of the holy names.
Come on aboard! This trains a movin'! Dance the death defying drumbeat
which carries the universe as it sways in rapture.
When Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu first performed public Sankirtana on His
march to the home of the Kazi, the whole universal form was present
dancing in ecstatic love.
To this awesome form, I offer my respectful obeisances. Gaura
nata-raja, the Golden King of Dance conquers all directions by His
peerless grace beauty and power. May that Lord Jagannatha who is the
master of all creation be pleased upon me and always remain within my
mind heart and eyes.
Anyways, with all that, I just want to be a simple humble Vaisnava, or
at least be in the associaiton of such great souls, who remind me of
my higher nature, and who lead me ever onward down that path of true
love and friendship.
All glories to Lord Gauranga and Nityananda! All glories to Srila
Prabhupada! All glories to Srila Gurudeva! All glories to the
Vaisnavas!
--
"This is love. And if God accepts your offerings, then what more do
you want? He becomes your most intimate friend. If you make God your
intimate friend, then there is nothing wanted. You'll be fulfilled.
You'll find that "I have got everything." And if we become convinced
that Krsna is my protector, then how much happy and peaceful we will
be. Offer something. Just be in love with Him. Then just see how much
peaceful you feel. How much tranquility you feel and how you are
protected by Krsna, how you avoid insufficiency, how you become pure,
and how you make progress in spiritual life." - Srila Prabhupada
