My M.O.

I've stopped living, or at least trying to. There's nothing really to do.

I have my wonderful spiritual master, who is in the prime of his service. I have the great fortune to have the opportunity to serve him, somehow, if I try harder, I could be of better service.

He asked me to settle down, prepare for my future, get educated, marry and don't worry.

I love my family, I love all my friends, I love ISKCON and the devotees who give their lives to serving, and who make my life worth living.

At the same time I see dire futures for the world, violence, poverty, destruction, hellish conditions, war, and great struggles.

I see the mission Srila Prabhuapda has given us to accomplish, to make a boat for souls to cross the ocean of repeated birth and death to reach the oasis of Krishna's lotus feet.

I hope to reach Them someday too.

I can't see how to invest in the workings of the world in which I've grown up. Every path to progress is like trying to get cozy in a room on the titanic, knowing it's on it's way down.

The lifeboats are there, but not enough for everyone, so save who you can. Try to give Krishna to as many people as possible, but some people just won't accept, so give the Holy Names, some prasadam if possible, a smile or a kind word. Blessings are to be given.

I see that I'll do a few more years of service, going here and there all around the world, helping start the changes to help save the world in it's hours of need to come.

Kirtan in great festivals and gatherings, preaching Srimad Bhagavatam, making beautiful temples and helping communities grow. Present in dynamic and wonderful ways the art of Krishna Consciousness, and help establish a society based on devotional service, preserving the essence of Srila Prabhupada's mood and desire.

My role is to be outside the normal workings of things, and to help connect the dots before the lines are drawn. Tracing the lines Krishna shows me through my feelings, trusting my heart, as Radhanath Swami so kindly told me to do so long ago.

We come in this world to serve, and by serving we can learn to love, and in that love, live. Without it, life is a tragedy.

Always give, and don't expect, that's been the biggest lesson so far. I don't know if I look forward to the rest of them, but here I am, existing, so they must be on their way. I just pray that Krishna gives me the fortitude to grow gracefully into the servant and soul He knows me to be.

He's been with me all along, knowing my every thought, word and deed. He hasn't let me down, although I have let Him down countless times.

But I will not stop trying, because I can't, it's my eternal nature.

I just don't know where to go from here.

I am looking out across an ocean, I can go anywhere, but all places are just the same. Nowhere to go, nowhere to stand, nothing left, or to lose.

I could play piano. I could learn guitar. I could sing songs of love both near and far. I could write a movie, make it big and in 3D, I could help establish a new world, which is strong, and spiritually free.

I could do so many things, that would be wonderful to tell, but where I fit in all of them, I don't know so well.

My motivation to move forward has stopped and so have I. I don't mean to be lazy, but I have no will to try.

I'll keep moving onwards, but my heart is missing me. I will need to find him if I'm ever to be free.

I think I saw him running after... her... you know the one... but since then I haven't seen him, I think he's come undone.

So I wait around and wonder, what's to become of me from here. What I thought would end me, has come and past a year.

I'd like to go and find him, so I can live again, give him to my Guru, at least I'll know it then, that my life has been completed, having served till my very last.

I love you all and wish a life that's eminently blessed.

I'll keep on waiting, keep on doing whatever comes my way, only Krishna knows what's coming, so I'll continue to pray:

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare

Ekadasi, Gita Jayanti, Harinama, Ki-jaya!

This morning I posted this on Facebook, feeling somewhat frustrated and disillusioned about the level of activity I've been engaged in... after looking through 1,000's of FB friend suggestions and how we gauge who to friend or not, and what and why we post what we do:

"There are so many people, and so many mindsets, so many things to do. What will my actions today accomplish? Try to achieve a mental state of happiness through adjustment of circumstances? The execution of duty is always a source of satisfaction, when done for Krishna. Today is Gita Jayanti, the day the Bhagavad-Gita was spoken. Today will be done for His pleasure: Chant, serve, & surrender my fate to His Destiny."

And here is the result!

"Yes was a good day. Went to the temple, bought 2 Bhagavad-Gita's from Hari Prasad Prabhu, chanted 6 chapters, Divyambara Mataji cooked excellent Ekadasi prasadam for her Gurudeva Krishna-Ksetra Prabhu's Vyasa Puja, (then I ended up taking a nap in the ashrama - a decadant opulence) chanted chapter 7 and then did some sweet kirtan with Ananda Vidya Prabhu and an intimate group of devotees for Sri Sri Radha Murlidhara, then took my little Aindra Harmonium on the subway ride home, serenading NYC.

I just started singing on the 2nd ave platform, and I met a successful documentary producer Gary Krane PhD who felt that political action was the only way to change the world. But he liked the chanting. We talked for a while and I told him about the dual action of spiritual activism and social activism, and how they're both part of the same thing. We were engaged in talking and I missed my stop, so I got off to go back to catch my connecting train.

At the platform a nice lady came and stood nearby and appreciated the chanting.

Once on the train that same documentary guy showed up! He sat next to me and I told him this chanting is our kind of activism :) Change hearts.

I changed trains again and on the next platform was an accordion player, so I played along with him for a while. He appreciated the company. I gave a little donation I had kept in my pocket for just such an occasion.

At the next stop there was an old african-american man with an amazing voice singing "My Girl" by the Temptations, along to an instrumental accompaniment track on a sound system he had.

One nice guy was standing nearby appreciating his singing. Once the train came, we ended up talking on the subway. He was saying that in a different time or circumstance that old man could have been famous.

I said that the measure of our success isn't so much in the appreciation others give us, but in how we are satisfied within ourselves. We each have our own innate gifts and when we're aligned to them, that's our love, our beauty, our satisfaction.

We got to talking and I asked if he knew about Krishna, he said yes and mentioned the Bhagavad-Gita. I told him I had an extra one, and he gratefully received it.

After getting off the last train a nice guy who got off at the same stop as me, was appreciating the chanting. I was telling him how the opportunity to give is itself a gift.

We started up the stairs and there was a man trying to take an office chair up, but it was falling apart, so we each lent a hand and carried it up for him. The opportunity was serendipitous.

He spoke with me for a bit and I invited him to kirtan at the temple and the Bhakti Cafe.

Just another transcendental day in the service of Krishna! any day could be like this, by just allowing Krishna to permeate our lives.

Indradyumna Swami said in his Diary of a Traveling Monk, that NYC is the Harinama capital of the world. You can tell how well cooked a pot of rice is by sampling a few grains.

So judging by the few exchanges I had today, the people of this city are quite open for receiving the great gift of the Hare Krishna maha mantra, which by giving gives us the greatest satisfaction.

The Avanti Brahmin

I posted my last picture and asked for subjects to draw. My friend Vrajendra Kumar Prabhu recommended I do the Avanti Brahmana, which is synchronistic as I've been bumping into the 11th canto of Srimad Bhagavatam as the Uddhava Gita recently.

Here's the story: http://vedabase.net/sb/11/23/en

And here's my little sketch:


So nice to see how Krishna manifests himself through my insignificant efforts. So sublime, so simple, so sweet and intimately personal.

If I never did another thing other than draw Krishna's lotus face all day every day for the rest of eternity it wouldn't matter. This is what I aspire for.

Back to the old drawing board

It's been a good long while since I've done any drawing etc.

Whipped this up today waiting for stuff to download.

I'll start doodling more to get my skills up and eventually start doing concept art work for a project my friends and I are working on: The Vedic Universe Compendium, which details all the people, places, things with facts and figures from the Vedas, to serve as a resource to create all manner of media.

(:

Srila Prabhupada wanted his artist devotees to do 6-12 drawings a day! So let's get sketching!

This was done in Autodesk Sketchbook, with a little photoshopping to make it look organic.

If you are an artist, get a mac, get a wacom intuos tablet (6x8 is good), autodesk sketchbook, and photoshop. Your imagination now has no limits.